I first met my own inner critic 13 years ago, during my coaching training.

It was the voice that said, "How could you not have thought of that?" whenever I made a mistake. The one that questioned me whenever I was about to try something new: "Are you sure? Have you thought of everything? Is it good enough?"

A voice that constantly challenged me and made me feel bad about myself. Guilty, careless, anxious...

I gave it a name: Mr. Perfect.

When I started approaching him with RESPECT and CURIOSITY, I discovered that his intention was not to hurt me. He was trying to protect me from embarrassment and the feeling of failure in front of others. He wanted me to be perfect.

I told him, "I understand your intention, but I don't want to be perfect. I want to be useful. Even if I fall, I can get back up. Trust me."

I repeated this for months, whenever he showed up.

And gradually, Mr. Perfect, who once loomed over me like a monster, first turned into a little dog saying "woof, woof," and eventually, as he learned to trust me, became an inner ally.

The voice that now says:

"You did the best you could in that moment, Şebnem. Your intentions were good. Now, let's see what we can learn from this and what is possible."

I encounter very similar voices in organizations.

"They're making the wrong decisions again..."

"For heaven's sake, they never listen to us..."

"This is no way to run a company..."

Sharp, accusatory, toxic voices...

These toxic voices trigger other toxic responses, such as building walls and becoming defensive. And before long, everyone loses sight of the underlying issue that triggered these reactions in the first place.

When I engage with organizations and hear these voices, rather than judging their tone and attitude or becoming defensive on behalf of the organization or the leaders being criticized, I try to approach them with RESPECT and CURIOSITY.

I seek to understand the intention behind the voice, the emotions driving it — often anger, disappointment and a deep sense of being undervalued — and the information it carries. Perhaps it points to a risk. Perhaps an opportunity.

Drawing on my experience with other organizations, I also try to broaden the perspective:

"From where you're standing, I can absolutely see why you feel this way. At the same time, what might be happening that we don't know about, but the management team does? I once encountered a similar situation in another organization where..."

My intention is to invite people to see the bigger picture and consider possibilities beyond their immediate perspective.

And believe me, when I genuinely listen to these voices and manage to engage the people behind them, something remarkable happens.

I might say:

"What you've noticed is really important. Who could you share this with, and how?"

And if the organization is open to it, I help create the space for that conversation to happen.

I've witnessed critical risks being addressed, employee engagement increasing, and inner critics within organizations transforming into inner allies — just like my own Mr. Perfect.

The point is not to silence the inner critic within ourselves or our organizations.

It is to learn how to listen to it. Because sometimes, the loudest critic, despite their difficult tone or attitude, is the voice that has been pointing to what needs to change for the longest time.

What have you tried to turn the inner critics within yourself and your organization into inner allies?

Kindest Regards

Şebnem Gürün Özeren